Me As A Communicator--Week 4

When doing the surveys this week I tried to be as honest as I could be so that I could learn the areas that I need improvement in.  While I am not surprised by my results there are some things that I have come to realize that need to be changed and that I can be a better communicator if I work toward those changes.  I know that my score of 54 for communication anxiety was on target.  While I do speak in groups on a regular basis and in public, I am not always comfortable but I do my best to try to appear so.  When I had one of my co-workers to complete the communication anxiety for me it revealed a score of 42/Mild and she recognized that sometimes I appear weary but it depends on what is being discussed and how I feel about discussing it.  But when I read the last line telling me about that score it said that communication is something that I don’t worry a great deal about and that couldn’t be far from the truth because people form assumptions about the way that other communicate and I would like for those assumptions to be correct.  When I got my eldest sister to do the Communication Anxiety for me it revealed a score of 51 so she feels that I communicate on a moderate level as well which is the score that I revealed from this test.  It’s good to know that my co-worker views me as a better communicator than I do myself because she knows me on a more professional level where my sister knows me on a personal level and this is the reason why I may have scored a better score with my co-worker than my sister and I know that I tend to “save face” when I am at work.  I do wish to improve my confidence so that the anxiety won’t be noticeable in my professional or personal life.

With the Listening Styles I fell in the Group 1 Category and this is the group that I fell in with my co-worker and my sister.  It is good to have empathy for others but to the point where it is interfering in my judgments isn’t good.  I have always tried to give people a chance to prove themselves that they are the person that I think they are and it almost always comes back to bite me and the has been a big hindrance on my professional career especially in the position that I hold.  I was told when coming in as a Center Director that it is a lonely place in leadership and when hold those types of positions that are sometimes how it needs to be.  Being more people-oriented as the chart suggest has it’s downfalls and can sometimes hinder judgment’s which could hinder professionals and personal relationships depending on situations.  All in all I’m glad that I fail into group one and understand that being in group one could cause a lapse in judgement and I need to ensure that this doesn’t happen.

6165 Communicating Differently

I think that I do communicate differently around different groups.  When I am at work I tend to be more professional and when I am with friends, depending on the environment I think my tone changes and sometimes my vocabulary.  I don't do this intentionally but have noticed the change only after my husband pointed it out to me when he went with me to a function at my job.  Once we got home he said I almost didn't recognize you...you talk so differently around your colleagues than you do around your family(then he added that this was a good thing).  I tend to cut up more around those that I am comfortable and close to and when I am working, I keep a straight face and I work.  I'm not saying that I don't enjoy myself when working but when you tend to let your guard down there will be some individuals who will try to use that against you to discredit you or to make you look bad and this has happened to me in the past and it's something that I never want to happen to me again.

6165 WK 2 blog

The television shat that I watched by wouldn't normally watch was The Bold and the Beautiful.  During this show a young man walked into an older mans office who was sitting behind the desk and they were having a conversation.  The young man was saying something to the older man and the older man looked confused and maybe a little agitated but I thing that the young man was passionate about what he was saying and the older man didn't appear to be agreeing with him.  The scenes switched and there was a young woman in an office who was looking at jewelry and another young woman walked into the office and there appeared to be some tension.  The dark head lady kind of looked reluctant to say something to the blonde but began a conversation anyway.  The blonde seemed to listen but you could tell that it was a conversation that she didn't want to be having.  The expressions changed on both of the women and it seemed they were talking about something that they both were agreeing with but then the expressions changed back and the blonde woman appeared to be somewhat in control of the conversation the the brunette didn't appear to be backing down.  The scene switched again and the older man who was previously mention was at a house speaking to a different younger man and they were eating chicken.  The younger man seemed to be expressing himself as well and the older man was listening to him but expressing himself as well.

When I watched the show again at the beginning of the show Wyatt when to see it dad Bill and he had a favor to ask him and his Bill asked him what it was and he told him that he wanted to move into a house that his brother lived in and he wanted his brother to live in the house that he occupied.  He figured since he was now married he should have the house and his brother should have the bachelor pad since he was the bachelor.  Apparently they both want the same girl and Wyatt was the one who ended up with the girl.  He wanted Bill who was his dad to make it happen for him since he was the one who purchased the properties for both of his sons.    Bill said that he would see what he could do but wasn't making any promises and seemed confused by the whole situation.  When the scene switched  the brunette was Ivy and the blonde was Hope and there was tension between the two and Ivy wanted to discuss it but Hope did not so they began to talk about work and then Hope began fishing for information from Ivy telling her that Liam should have time to get over her before he moves on with someone else, basically implying that she was just a rebound.

When I watched this show in silence and then with volume I couldn't believe the story line.  However I do think that the communication that I imagined was happening was right.  You can tell a lot about what a person is saying to another in my opinion by their body language and facial expressions.  You have to be mindful of these things when communicating with others.  Although the tension in this show was apparent both on mute and with sound you don't want to appear that way when working with children in families.  People are always watching, it doesn't matter if you are having that conversation with that person or not if you have a colleague, employee or parent pulled of to the side you don't want people making assumptions about the conversation you are having due to the facial expressions and body language that you are having while in that conversation.  You have to be mindful that these two types of communications play a big role in how others perceive you as a professional.

Competent Communicators

The person that comes to mind when I think of a competent communicator is my Aunt Wanda.  When she communicates she always gives eye contact and talks in an even tone. Even when she is upset you can never tell because her voice tone stays the same.  She doesn't holler to get her point across and she listens to what others have to say before she begins speaking.  I am just the opposite, when I don't agree it shows in my body posture and facial expressions.  My voice tends to elevate when I get excited/upset and I do a lot of talking with my hands.  I do everything I can to get my point across which isn't always a good thing.  It's hard for me not to do these things because I have been doing them for so long, however I am working on it.

Because of this I believe that I am not always being effective when communicating with others and this is why I have paid close attention to my Aunt because she can speak and make a point without all of the "extra" and that is what I attempt to do.

I am a work in progress and as I've gotten older and wiser I tend to do better and this is one of my personal goals that I want to accomplish because I do feel that sometimes my demeanor can be intimidating to individuals who may not know me and that is never my intention.